The modern relationship has evolved from something that used to take a lot of time into something that seemingly can happen overnight. Back in the “old days”, there was this thing called the “courtship process”. Now we have things like Tinder. Because of this accelerated, break-neck speed of dating you see people who rationalize their partnerships with the old cliche: “we were meant to be together.” Honestly, although I believe in the notion of a soulmate or ideal partner, I think people use that cliche as an excuse more than anything. Hell, I’ve been there myself. Sometimes you want so badly to be with anyone that you’ll rationalize being with the wrong person. So, if you’re one of these wandering romantics that thinks that you’ve found your ideal person on this planet, keep these 4 things in mind the next time you profess that your relationship was “meant to be.”

NO EXISTING FRIENDSHIP

A lot of times when we meet someone with whom we connect easily by pure kismet, we automatically assume that the relationship was destined to happen. The problem with going straight from being strangers to significant others is that you are missing the basic foundation of any successful relationship: friendship. Friendship is critical to relationships, and without it how can you expect a relationship to stand on its own? Yes, I believe that two people can meet under unique circumstances and develop long-lasting relationships, but without the basis of friendship, you’re building a house of cards – not a relationship.

WAY TOO RATIONAL

If someone asks you why you think you are meant to be with someone and your answer is completely rational, you might be justifying it – not explaining it. Sometimes the best answers to the most complex questions are the simplest. If you need a diagram to explain how the stars and planets aligned on a specific day at a certain time that caused some universal shift that lead to you dating someone who you’d normally not even talk to, you might want to reconsider your justifications for the relationship. I’m not saying that I don’t believe in the power of the universe to bring two people together, I am saying it is an element of the relationship – not an excuse for it.

THE DISTANCE

In any relationship, people each start at their own place in their lives. The distance I am referring to isn’t a literal distance between two people, it is the distance from where they are now and where they want to be in the future. Then you factor in the distance that the two people want to go together. In the end, future plans for a relationship can look like a roadmap that was drawn in the dark by someone who was drunk. Again, if two people are truly meant to be together, there is no trek that they can’t complete together. If you’re in a relationship with someone who won’t walk across the stress with you, how can you expect them to navigate the highway of life with you?

TIME SPENT FIGURING OUT WHY

This is one that I have intimate experience with. If you’re spending more time figuring out why you are with someone as opposed to enjoying the relationship – you might need to rethink who you are with. Sure, in the beginning, the amazing circumstances that brought you together seem like pure magic and you justify a lot of things that you’d normally never justify in a relationship. Then, the next thing you know, you’re asking yourself, “why am I doing this again?” That’s when we remind ourselves of the amazing turn of fate that brought our partner into our lives, and that becomes the answer to that question of why. If the question even exists in your head of why you are together, I hate to say it, but you’re not meant to be together.