Living in the society we do, we’re force fed ideas and belief systems. Unconsciously we are molded by everything that goes on around us. Consequently we grow used to them, and fail to see the wrong in them. Some of us lose the ability to see beyond what we’ve always been taught or made to believe. And those of us who dare even think let alone do anything differently face numerous difficulties. It’s virtually impossible for someone to be themselves and to go after what they truly desire.
When it comes to relationships, we’ve been brought up thinking that only when you’re with someone, you feel complete; otherwise something will always be missing. And that being in love creates dependency and so on. Women particularly tend to get carried away with these ideas and set unrealistic expectations of their relationships.
They need to understand that relationships play out very differently in real life than fiction. And it’s absolutely normal to think and feel against the norms set forth. You can shape your relationships along with your partner the way you see fit.
A few realities about relationships that women should know are as follows:
The only person capable of saving you is YOU!
Unlike the movies, there isn’t going to be a knight in shining armor to save you from yourdemons. You are your own savior. You can’t depend on anyone, including him, to catch you every time you fall. Just like you’d like for him to be capable of taking care of himself, he’d prefer the same from you. If saving you is all he ever does, the relationship won’t be fulfilling for either of you. So may be lay off the whole damsel in distress bit and learn to take care of yourself. He can only be there for you when you need him, but you alone are responsible for your life and happiness.
You cannot be anyone else’s saviour
If you’re responsible for yourself, so are they. There’s only so much you can do for someone. This doesn’t mean that you should abandon them in times of need. Be the unwavering support they need. But remember, it’s up to them to help themselves. The urge to keep them safe from everything comes naturally, but you need to realise that they need to take care of things themselves. And it is essential for everyone to face the difficult times to grow as a person.
Recognise the difference between being supportive and agreeing
Just because he doesn’t agree with you on something does not mean he wouldn’t support you. You might not be on the same page with him, but it shouldn’t keep you from being there for him when he needs you.
For instance, you might think that a certain career path isn’t the best choice, but if it’s something they’d love to do, you should do your part in helping them get there. Similarly, if there’s something you want and he’s not particularly a fan of, he’d still be on board with it just for your sake.
You don’t need to play caretaker just to show them support
The only way to love someone wholeheartedly is to love yourself first. There is nothing wrong with placing your needs above everyone else’s. Unless you feel content, you won’t be able to make anyone else feel the same. Sure you should be there when they need you, but that does not mean enabling them in anyway. It’s crucial for everyone as an individual to take care of themselves on their own. And don’t expect them to be constantly fulfilling all your needs either.
First impressions matter
“The first impression is the truth, and all that follows is merely the excuse of memory”
Pay close attention to what they say and more importantly to how they act. Don’t fool yourself into believing that they might change somewhere along the way. If you can’t accept them the way they are then you’re only setting yourself up for regret. If there’s something that you find unacceptable about them, and you keep up with it initially hoping for it to go away, you won’t like the result.
Learn to accept things and people the way they are
Be very clear on what you want and if you choose to be with a certain someone, who wants different things, come to terms with it. This is the only way you’re going to have a viable relationship. Don’t suppress your needs/wants and don’t make your significant other do that either. Accept them as they are, and you’ll be at peace with your relationship.
Face the difficulties instead of running away from them
No matter how difficult, terrifying or hopeless a situation may be, running away is never an option. If you’re out the door at the very sign of trouble, you probably need to reconsider your idea of a relationship. You’ll face problems regardless of who ever you’re with and whatever you do. So bring yourself to deal with them. In relationships, it serves to be a cornerstone, and if done right, strengthens the foundation.
You are equally responsible for the condition of your relationship
Whenever something goes wrong, we tend to blame the next person. It’s the easier thing to do. In doing so, we fail to acknowledge our shortcomings. There is a pretty good chance that if you’re not particularly happy with your relationship, it could be because you are either doing something wrong or maybe not doing anything at all. The way your relationship turns out depends on you as much as it does on them.
Your soul mate might not necessarily be your partner
Contrary to popular belief, your partner and your soul mate can be two entirely different people. So even if you find that sort of connection with someone other than your partner, it does not mean that your relationship is any less meaningful. Your feelings don’t go away just like that. Some of might also discover that our partner is our soul mate. There is nothing wrong with either of the situations.
Some relationships inevitably end
Whenever you meet someone that you decide to be with, you naturally want them to be the one.Where it could happen, there’s always a chance that it couldn’t. Life has its uncertainties. In some cases, you both might not be on the same page, or you drift apart while in others, even if you two want to ne together, things just don’t work out. That does not have to be the end of the world, you still have yourself. Love yourself and whoever is meant to stay, will stay. Some things are beyond your control and there’s no point in stressing over them.
As long as you come to terms with these realities, you will have better luck with your relationships. You will know what to expect and what to give in return. And that your first priority should be yourself. You can’t expect a relationship to last without any sort of efforts. Cater to its needs and everything will fall into place.